Disability is a strange thing. No matter what your achievements in life it tends to eat away at your confidence. 2 years ago I had a crisis which many managers in a reasonably high profile job will experience. Basically I was a manager of an Eye Treatment Unit and some Consultants were unhappy that for the first time in years I could not provide them with all the resources they wanted. Crucially some of them pointed to my disabilities as a determining factor in my so called "competence to deliver these resources. In reality of course the squeeze on resources was nothing to do with my management competence but part of a general clampdown on Health spending across the NHS in the UK." Nevertheless I ended up leaving my job. This happened despite the protestation of my line management that I was”The best manager they had". This insidious accusation that my disabilities meant I could not do my job properly shattered my confidence and eventually I left the service. I needed to rebuild my confidence. I enquired about taking a GCSE in Law. For those who are unfamiliar with the UK academic system this is the lowest formal academic qualification. My confidence was that low. Thankfully I was talked out of this and aimed higher. I undertook a Master degree at London Metropolitan University. This year I have received the Leonard Cohen Prize for the highest ranked Masters degree with distinction in the department of Law, governance and International Relations. I also came second in the University wide Academic Excellence table of the top 30 Masters with Distinction across all disciplines. I am about to embark on a PhD. The point is not to brag but why did I seriously worry about whether I could do a GCSE only 2 years ago?
Attitudes towards impairment remain the biggest disabling influence. Few people will admit to negative views towards disability openly, but in the hotbed crucible of conflict in pressured work situations actions end up speaking louder than words. Negative attitudes towards disability are sophisticatedly reframed in order to present a defence against any criticism of behaviour. This can be especially difficult for the disabled manager. Few people like to be told that they need to change or that something they are doing is wrong. This is especially the case if the person you are telling is themselves someone in authority. A NHS Consultant is in my experience particularly reluctant to accept the need for self appraisal. They have reached the top of the pile, why should they change now? A disabled manager is peculiarly vulnerable in these circumstances. Senior managers are expected to cope and get on. There is a prevailing can do culture which inhibit the raising of failures to adjust reasonably to visual impairment. In 6 years of attending board meetings for example no material was provided in an accessible format for me to consult during the meeting. I knew that if I made too much of a fuss though this would start an insidious whisper as to whether I could really "cope" with the job.
You can cope with all sorts of complaints and accusations and
You will necessarily develop a hard and thick skin to cope with the pressures of the job. Attacks on grounds of disability are harder to refute. It is undeniably true that I am blind. I cannot deny it. It is undeniably true that I am hearing impaired. I have to wear very visible haring aids. Emotionally it is difficult to refute or confront attacks around your disability.
The need for people with visual impairment to cope with pressure is part of the reason I developed this web site. Looking at my career impartially I should not really have any lack of confidence. The MA I have just been awarded is actually my second. I took another one in Social Policy 20 years ago and achieved a distinction for this also. I have managed at a senior level in social Services and the NHS for 14 years. Logically I would not have had this length of service if I was not able to cope with the pressures of management. I would not have moved up hierarchies through promotion if I did not have skills as a manager. Despite all this objective evidence my confidence collapsed and I was at rock bottom2 years ago. Since then I became the Chair of the London Development Agency Independent Disability and Equality Group and my rehabilitation is probably complete.
Living with visual impairment is a struggle and a nuisance; at least it is for me. In this struggle every little helps. The use of a particular piece of software may just tip the balance between a positive and negative work outcome. Listening to an audio described movie may just relax you enough to manage a pressure situation the next day. If this web site helps others in just a little way I think it will have been worth creating. Keep on believing in yourselves. Do not let the b***s grinds you down!
David Griffith
Writing from Walthamstow
London
United Kingdom
Pleas feel free to contact me on low_vision_survival@yahoo.co.uk to provide any comments or questions about this web site.
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